I couldn’t let this moment pass without mentioning here that my books won an amazing award this time last week. The stuff of dreams, vision boards, hard work and a bucket load of my own self-reflection and personal growth.
It shouldn’t be a surprise to hear that the Living With Heart series of books contain exactly that, a piece of my own heart in each one. It meant having them awarded the Beautiful You Coaching Academy Book/Product Of The Year for 2017/2018 was not only a professional win but also a personal triumph.
The awards were the first Beautiful You event I’d attended since 2014/2015 and as I sat in the room, listening to everyone talk around me I couldn’t help but take a moment to myself. So much has happened within myself personally since 2014. I have moved and evolved through some sticky personal challenges in that time. And as I sat there I realised how far I had come from that girl four years ago- so very far.
Recently an elderly man cheekily asked me “remind me what does it feel like again, to be 35 and at your absolute prime?” I retorted “mostly amazing, with the occasional moment of self-doubt.”
From the outside looking in, it’s easy to see someone’s personal growth and admire it, easy to look at the end result of someones hard work and see all their accomplishments. But what you don’t see is all those moments of self-doubt that happened below the surface. Those moments that came then went during the day, that you sometimes fell asleep on, that you sometimes woke with.
I’ve endured more than a few of those moments and most likely that is true also for the women who I was nominated alongside and who also won their category like myself.
But we created and lived and grew anyway.
It’s the greatest discord that I receive at times, being a life coach and having written these beautiful books of mine. People assume that I have it altogether all of the time- when I don’t. That I know what I’m doing all of the time. They’re almost surprised when I don’t. But I still have my 10% (ok, sometimes 20!!) that I’m polishing up and working on and I’m comfortable knowing that I always lovingly will.
I’d like to think it’s the gift of my books being, in parts, as personal as they are. Allowing you to see me, to work with me as a life coach of course. But to see me for who I am first and foremost, before I am anything else in this world, a woman just like you.
It’s why I talk about self-doubt because I know we all have our 10% regardless of how sparkly our gown. And self-doubt…she is mine.
I have accepted that for me self-doubt is here for the ride that is my life. I don’t fight her any longer or ignore her. She sits alongside confidence, self-love, awesomeness, humour and positivity. Now self-doubt is simply no longer in the driving seat as much as she might like to be.
Certainly life felt “safer” when she was in the drivers seat in 2014. There was no chance for love to be lost or that I’d end up all alone, a smaller chance I’d be rejected, less likely my creative projects would be a complete utter failure because self-doubt had me playing it safe when what I really should have been doing was chasing the absolute best for myself.
To think a fear of falling short nearly stopped me from writing and promoting my first book. And here I am now with my fourth and an award…
Do what you love, be with who you love, follow your heart, make the most of the exciting times, enjoy the peace of the quieter ones and do it all with gusto. That’s all I ask.
Thank you to the Beautiful You Coaching Academy for this award and acknowledgement. To Dorothy, Tony and Tracey for handling me when self-doubt had somehow crept back into the drivers seat and loving me anyway. To Ryan for doing the same even though our relationship status changed.