I talk about it in my first book Seconds Please, that during my marriage I was very much in the passengers seat of my own life. I had happily given over to my then husband, the being in the drivers seat role for me - making the big choices for us both in life and financially.
Whoever chooses a partner with that energy initially always loves the dynamic at the start. It often forms part of the attraction. But as soon as we grow or mature out of such a wounded feminine place, what we are left feeling are opposite emotions about the dynamic. We feel suffocated, controlled, like our life is not our own.
Very rarely does the person who was in the drivers seat for you willingly want to give up that position. And often, lets be honest, and it was in my case, I wasn't up for the job of being in the drivers seat position so in some ways with hindsight, I can kind of understand his reluctance and dismissal of me.
If this is you know this...it's not that you're not capable, it's that you've never done it before so of course you don't know how. And the power in this statement is the acknowledgement that you can learn and fix your mindset. You can do this, you just don't know how.
And the faster you do learn, like on the spot fast, the quicker you will grow, thrive and find success in your next chapter of life.
So who is this person? How many of the below do you tick?
This woman has a partner who makes all the big life decisions for her. She doesn't really have a say. She often liked that he took care of it, he was responsible and smart for both of them.
She either doesn't have her own source of financial income and independence OR her partner has full control and say over their money.
Fears being alone so she doesn't leave the marriage even though she perhaps should because it's abusive or unhealthy.
She's often a stay at home Mum or was.
Low self-worth and confidence.
Often no real career aspirations of her own.
She doesn't have any future life goals, desires for herself as a woman. She lives vicariously through and for her children. For her family.
Low sense of possibility for herself.
Identity wrapped up in being a partner.
Doesn't really know what she wants for herself.
As a result this woman will:
Struggle to leave her marriage and own the decision. She will doubt and second guess herself because of her fears and mindset.
She will often feel like the victim.
She fears being alone and worries about her financial future on her own if she on her own.
AND
Moving on will feel overwhelming and a lot because she's never had to make so many decisions on her own, or be fully responsible for herself and her life.
Her finding her feet and moving on process will be slower and more triggering, more daunting.
So much of my work is focused on this woman and helping her stand on her own two feet. Sometimes I need to work with this woman before she leaves her marriage so she can have the courage and confidence to leave it.
Both of these women enter my Rising Beyond Separation & Divorce program and move through their situation with success. Please explore my program here. There is an option to also enter as a VIP and to include 1:1 calls with me as part of the program if you wish my intutitive insight and coaching guidance pursuant to your unique situation.
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