It goes without saying….writing a book about the men who’ve been in your life and your past relationships is challenging, confronting and enlightening.
I wrote the bulk of A Single Heart in August on a flight home from a Tony Robbins course in Fiji. And despite lots of editing and rewriting in the following months afterwards, I left the bulk of the text and the sentiment as it was initially captured on the page as is. And so some things in the book are no longer a reflection of my life now.
Our relationships can bring us the greatest joy and pleasure. They can equally bring us the greatest heartache and disappointment. I hope I’ve captured that eloquently in A Single Heart. Certainly I’ve experienced both sides of that coin and I like to think I’ve come out the other side wiser, more confident but just as loving and loveable. Something that is important to me.
I’ve put into one beautiful product everything that worked and was positive to me in exploring what I really wanted from love and a man. The text and the exercises in the book are all my own. But they have been inspired by the lessons and work of several individuals who’s work I’ve followed closely in the last year; Tony Robbins, his wife Sage, Rori Raye and Rachel Jayne Groover.
I learnt plenty about myself during the writing of A Single Heart. Some of it I didn’t like to be honest! There were many times where I had to sit her aside and not look at her again for awhile. I’d glossed over in my mind the things that many of us do. It was confronting to see it laid bare on a page in my own handwriting; my mistakes, the damage I had carried.
I realised that I’d stumbled and tripped from one individual to another since I was in my teens. A “popular” boy who wrote me a love letter in high school, the boy who kissed me at a party, the boy who voted me as having the best arse at the McDonalds I worked at, the boy who was sweet and drove me home from piano lessons every week, that first year of University and living out of home, the boy who’s family I loved more than I did him, the boy who sent his friend to talk to me first and to let me know that he thought I was hot, the man who read my name on my bankcard and didn’t realise I had noticed, the man who smiled at me in a bar, the man who strikes up conversation with me about my dog, the man who smiled at me across a coffee table.
Honestly, show me attention, make me feel wanted and boom I was pretty much yours. Whether you treated me well or not.
And my marriage that I briefly mentioned in the book. Well I don’t regret that at all. It was explained to me how fate and free will co-exist together to shape our life choices. What is presented to us in our life is fate, what we choose to do with whats presented to us is our free will. Most of us follow our fate without realising that we are, because to not follow our fate would leave us with regret and a wondering of “what if?” if we didn’t. My ex-husband and I dated for 3 months, broke up with a boom, moved to the opposite sides of the country from each other for work and study but despite all of that the strong connection remained and we weren’t able to forget the other. Love and connection rarely makes sense. The heart knows what it wants and I could never have walked away from him without feeling a sense of regret and a wondering of what if. I had to follow it, I couldn’t ignore how I felt so I moved to be with him and continue my studies in Western Australia. It is the definition of following your fate and I can’t regret a connection that I couldn’t have not followed. So I don’t.
Apologies for rudimentary graph…#notawhizwithimagedesign
We like to think of “success” in any part of our lives as a straight line, but it’s not. It’s unhumanely. We’re not unfeeling robots. It’s an ever forward loop. Every circle has to loop us back a little (or a lot) before it loops us further forward again. We need time to heal in our own way, to learn, to take a pause.
I wrote A Single Heart knowing it’s going to catch you as you’re entering that part of the circle where you are looping back down and going to feel all the feels that we all do on the back of that circle before we move forward again. Self doubt, worry, fear, anxiety, stress, loneliness. (We should always remind ourselves of this when we’re next feeling those feels, we’re on the backside of the loop and that all loops move forward with time).
My hope is this book propels you forward faster in an over-reaching bigger loop forward. A loop that feeds back first into yourself, and then onto your relationships and love life.
Success is not repeating your same patterns and behaviours within the same kinds of relationships (repeating the same loop over and over again). Nor is it when the back part of the circle is more pronounced than the forward moving part of the circle.
The greater the work and self-discovery you put in during the back part of your loop with books like A Single Heart and other such tools, the further forward you will eventually move to where you actually do want to go. The more breakthroughs you will have.
I’ve always been honest and transparent here so I’ll share that I enter my birthday and Christmas this year (newly) single for now and at my own choosing. With feelings that are uncertain and adjusting to the potential changing connection with someone I am close to. I always find this period uncomfortable. It’s never pleasant.
I’ve chosen to stop and take a breath- relationship wise. My life deserves it and so do I. I have a second chance at happiness and being able to share that with someone else. I want to make sure it feels right rather than ploughing forward without thought. It’s not about finding Mr Perfect. My intuition is strong and I know what a strong connection feels like. I also know that for me absence and taking a step back if I feel I need it, makes fate and strong connections stand out to me. So that’s what I’m currently doing.
My intention is for A Single Heart to change your unhelpful patterns when it comes to men and your relationships. I’m not an expert in matchmaking or dating. But I am an expert in you finding your best self again. And when you do that the world is your oyster. It opens right up.
Where you once saw limitations, hard work and unavailable men I hope A Single Heart will have you seeing options, solutions and possibilities.
And seeing that changes everything.
You can find your own copy of A Single Heart to purchase here.